The Claws of Axos

August 18th, 2008 12:17am by rusty-halo | 15 Comments »

Is it just me or do the fake Axons bear a strong resemblance to Jared Louche?

Exhibit A:

Axos–an early disguise for the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Is anyone else disturbed that the humans instantly believe the Axons are good when they’re pretty and golden, and then instantly assume they’re bad when they’re all tentacley and gross? And the show never questions this? I call superficiality.

Anyway, but on to the good stuff:

The Master is not pleased by the state of the Doctor’s TARDIS:

“Oh, no! But what does he think he’s doing? What a botch-up!”

“Doctor, don’t keep me waiting.”
(That’s what he actually said. While caressing his giant dildo laser gun.)

“Might as well try to fly a second-hand gas stove!”

The Master is single-minded:

(discussing the Master’s plans to steal the Doctor’s TARDIS and escape Earth)
Brigadier: “Why bring [the TARDIS] here?”
Master: “Well, I knew the Doctor would soon return to his TARDIS and I very much wanted to meet him just once more. Where is he, by the way?”

Plus when he gets himself kidnapped by Axos, his escape plan inevitably is to have it take him to the Doctor. Surely he could think up a less complicated method of escape? But there’s really only one thing this guy wants out of life…

Hee, Delgado!Master is a snarky bastard:

“I suppose you can take the normal precautions against nuclear blasts, like, uh, sticky tape on the windows and that sort of thing.”

I think the guys who wrote this show must’ve been playing a game to see who could sneak in the most barely-disguised dildos:

“I must have the Master! I’ll keep him in order, all right, with this.”
(This quote ever so slightly edited for slashiness clarity.)

I’m not the only one who sees the ho!yay:

“I don’t like it, Jo… I’ve just got this feeling that something’s going on.”
“Come on, Bill! Surely you don’t think that-”
“I don’t think anything. It’s a funny time to be collecting junk, that’s all. Real eager beavers.”
“But they’ve got to be; they’re working against time.”
“Well then why pack off all the technicians? Why can’t they help? Why’ve they got to go it alone, huh? Why?”

Yes… why ever would the Doctor and the Master want to be alone together?

“Well, Doctor, I’m still waiting to hear this marvelous scheme of yours.”

Doctor, Master, giant dildo–what’s to explain?

And, even better, the Doctor’s marvelous plan is to run away together.

“We either escape together or we die together.”

“Why not just hand me over to UNIT and make your escape by yourself? …Well?”

“I love you. I always have. I know now I always will.” Blah blah blah Time Lords mental block etc. The Master looks as disappointed as me. :(

Master: “I accept! And look, I brought more sex toys!”

“I’m sorry, Jo, we must.”
“We?”
“Yes. After all, we are both Time Lords. And, you see, when two Time Lords love each other very much…”

“Very neat, Doctor. You know, I must say, I never thought that you’d go through with it.” Awww, he’s so proud.

This would be the Doctor betraying the Master. By chasing him with the giant dildo.

“What about the Master?”
“I sincerely hope he’s with them.”
“Hope?”
“Well, I can’t be absolutely sure. I was pretty busy at the time. But I’m 90% certain, though.”
“How much?”
“Well, pretty certain. Well, I suppose he could’ve got away.”
AKA “Oh, all right, yes, I totally let my evil ex-boyfriend escape. But my life would be so dull without him!”

“You came back of your own accord?”
“No, I’m afraid not. No, obviously the Time Lords have programmed the TARDIS always to return to earth. It seems that I’m some kind of a galactic yo-yo.”
Heee, Three is such a bastard.

Anyway, this episode was okay. Aside from the overwhelming ho!yay, there wasn’t much to it; “Terror of the Autons” and “The Mind of Evil” were more interesting and written better. The only cool bits in this were the Doctor and UNIT clashing over whether to shoot down the UFO (I can’t figure out why people are bitching about the Tenth Doctor criticizing UNIT when as far as I’ve seen the Doctor always criticizes UNIT) and the Brig having to decide whether to let the Master kill the Doctor and Jo in order to save the rest of the world. Jo was depressingly useless in this; she mostly just got into trouble and screamed a lot and showed off her underwear. I’ll take new Who companions any day, thanks.

Three and Delgado!Master just have wonderful chemistry, though. It’s too bad they didn’t get together until the final episode; I’d watch a whole serial of just the two of them hanging out and bantering.

Actually, the best part of this episode is that the Doctor remembers it so fondly that he brings it up when he’s begging the Master to live in “Last of the Time Lords.” Awww! You can’t tell me he wasn’t a little bit tempted, even then, to run away together for real.

Current Mood: amused & drunk